"I did not know what I was searching for... until I found you."
-Anthony Bridgerton
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~A D V I K~
Marriages...?
I always wonder why is our whole life's worth dependent upon the single notion ..?
Marriage...!
Growing up, i saw my family. My parents. Being in love. But that love. It always came with a cost. Sacrifices. Giving up.
Why to commit to someone and sign out whole lives to them. When it benefits neither.
The flings, the adrenaline rush, the feelings, they disappear sooner or later.
Then
What comes after love...?
If love ends, then what...?
Still stay bounded in a relationship for the sake of others..?
Everyone thinks I am a rake but they do not understand that sometimes life has too much to offer.
To spend it all pacing behind one individual, it's absurd .
Life isn't always unicorns and rainbows.
And love always fades.
What we have left is ourselves. Us.
Our experiences.
Traveling, it's opposite of marriages. Hypothetically.
Traveling is meeting new people, new personalities. Traveling is experiencing all the best bits of life without having second thoughts.
It is a way to communicate to ourselves
A way to experience life fully, not just visit places.
A break from the same dreary life ,to step away from life's messes. A backup plan.
Marriage, commitments. On contradiction are creepy enough and could almost make me gag.
In this century, where we are surrounded by creeps. It's a vague notion.
It always ends with misery. Loss.
Happily ever afters..? Those are make beliefs.
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And yet after everything,
knowing how badly it all ends.
I drive to the wedding hall.
My cousin Aditya, the great
Elder Son and the heir, his getting married.
Am happy for him.
If a woman , Is worth sacrificing your freedom. Your life. Surely you can go after it...
Am satisfied with my sleepless nights and hikes and tours anyway to bother .
But anyway
I still drive to the wedding hall.
My back aches and am sleepy and running on caffeine and sugar.
My flight from costa rica landed at dawn. It was delayed..
Yess. Another vacation.
Which eased my soul. Ended too soon. Was nerve wrecking . Adrenaline pumping.
But i enjoyed every bit of it.
The cool breeze and the sunny mountain hike. I could almost go back to it.
Picture it all too clearly.
I wear this skin colour Kurta, trying to look as composed as possible.
And head in the wedding hall.
The guests hover, around.
Few familiar faces smile at me
I smile back.
Before trying to spot my family.
The Oberois are hell of a mess when it's finally happening.
I can imagine Adheera, my sister
Being fussy over her dress, as always.
And my mother scolding her like always.
But when I enter the groom's room. The atmosphere is disgustingly vague.
Aditya Not Found.
The air is thick with tension, as my fathers gaze locks with me.
His expressions are unreadable, as always. But when Dadaji places his hand on my shoulder, i know something is messed up.
He looks at me with dreary, guilt. Something I am not used to.
The rest of it all comes in a blur.
The family telling me about Aditya's elopement. The story is disgusting.
Bastard definitely got some nerve.
But as the realisation sinks in, Dadiji calmly says to me.
"You must marry her...Aarohi"
No. I say almost immediately.
Knowing where the things were heading.I try to protest.
" Am not marrying someone my cousin abandoned.
No."
Then my uncle plea's to me.
"Advik, i know it's unfair but Arohi is a good girl."
"If she is that of a good girl, why did Aditya Abandoned her .....?" I ask but then the reason is revealed.
"He got his PA pregnant. And now they eloped" my mother says, her words full of witt. She despises the idea of her son, me.
Having to marry a girl Abandoned by my cousin.
A leftover.
Whom i definitely don't know.
Right ...?
I pretty much have spent my life being a shadow of Him. The great Aditya Oberoi.
The heir. The family man.
The sensible one. Smart. Committed.
Me..? Advik..?
The black sheep. Rebel.... Troublemaker. Rake. Always delusional. Always running away from responsibilities.
Avoiding them like a plague.
Well the words are almost memorised by me now.. i know them all too well..what everyone thinks i am.
And yet now, everyone expects me to give in. To take what's leftover.
It's not even about marrying her.
It's about why , am i always the one who has to adjust.
To take what's left.
To be a shadow.
My cousin always outshines me, while I stay on the breaches, waiting for someday . Someone to see me.
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It all happened quickly.
I was dressed in His Sherwani.
I was marrying someone i never knew existed.
Only if I had skipped the wedding.
Only if my flight has been delayed.
Only if i never came back.
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I stood beside her , my heart thumping so loud, maybe she could hear it..?
I could never look at her . Never.
Not because she wasn't pretty. Of course she was.
But i couldn't dare.
This was happening too fast. The Jaimala exchange. The Phera. The vows.
Too fast.
And my body worked automatically.
My mind was blurry. Still in a daze, that I was not here but getting myself tanned up on a Costa Rican beach.
My gaze flickers towards my family. Family...?
Everyone has this perfect smile plastered on their lips. But I knew it all too well. Behind that mask was fury, disappointment, anger.
Then my gaze locked with my mother. Probably the only person who ever saw through me.
She knew I was exhausted. Wanted to leave from here. Not just the wedding hall. But the city. The country. The continent.
She gave me a assuring nod.
She was the only person who has seen me. The real me.
Who hid behind the mask of being humorous.
Perfectly fine.
. She had seen it all, me. Her son.
Always being inferior to Aditya. His cousin.
All because he was born early.
All because he had good grades, was polite.
Everything i wasn't.
My father wanted to shape me into this perfect mold of a person. Like Aditya .
His love was tough. I never resented him though.
How could I..?
All he wanted was me to be worthy enough to be called as a Oberoi.
I loved my family. My cousins. My parents.
And knew they loved me back. Always knew.
But
Sometimes.
In between the chaos of the large family.
In between so many family members.
And when I was with Aditya.
I was left alone. Always.
His achievements were blinding.
He worked hard from them. And i never felt jealous. No. Never.
But in between the process, when everyone expected me to be him.
I lost me. The Advik.
Traveling new places, meeting new people, packing a bag and exploring.
It made me feel seen.
Wanted.
At the end, all i longed for was home.
So i tried finding it around.
In nature.
In unexplored cities.
In historic creeks.
In oceans and streams
In mountains.
In vintage music.
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The priest instructed me to put sindoor in her hairline.
I took the powder in my fingers, a small pinch
It was heavy, not by mass.
By the weight it carried.
What it symbolised.
After this she will be my ... wife..?
My hand trembles as i bring it to her hairline, a woman behind her immediately lifts up her mangtika upside, giving me space.
With shaky hands i apply the vermillion in her hairline, and i don't know how.
Was it because of my trembling fingers, a little amount of the vermillion spilled on her nose.
Well not a little, little bit more .
The woman behind her gasped enthusiastically.
I knew her. I have seen her in pictures with Aditya.
At their engagement. When she was dressed in a pastel gown.
I had heard about her from everyone in family.
Arohi this, Arohi that
She was beautiful, God she was divine.
Her eyes, dark as the ocean. Which never met mine.
The slight smudge of her kajal. I knew she had cried before this.
Ofcourse she had.
The way her body trembled beside me.
The way her hands fidgeted anxiously.
She was a wronged woman.
She deserved love.
She deserved someone as perfect as Aditya.
Not someone like me.
I was nothing compared to her beauty.
To her elegance.
The innocent features of her.
I was almost 30 and still confused about what I wanted. What were the things I desired for...? Burned for...?
All i knew was that i wanted to run away.
She probably is a girl who wanted a happily ever after...
Someone who wanted to be married for love.....
Someone who wants kids...
Hopes for a family....
A partner who understands her....
And that made me feel like shit.
I was nothing compared to Aditya, someone she had selected to marry.
I could never make her happy.
All i wanted was to travel around.
I was searching for home outdoors.
She was searching for home in a person
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"Now I announce both of you as Husband and Wife" the priest announces.
The pit inside my stomach deepens. The anxiety follows. My grip on my kurta deepens, tighter.
The crowd cheers. Music bursts .
And me .... Am just their, completely clueless. What to do now..?
What comes next....?
For someone who never wanted to be married and held down. Now I wasn't alone.
Now I had her , a wife. Unexpected. Unwanted. Never have i ever imagined.
But their she was.
My wife ......?
In her beautiful Red lehenga, the perfect hairdo. The elegant and natural makeup.
The deep brown henna on her hands.
The scarlet red vermillion in her hairline.
A small amount of it which fell down on her nose earlier when I put it.
The way the woman behind her gasped "it's a symbol of love..!"
It made me chuckle. In mind . Ofcourse. Because it was bullshit.
She was now mine. Atleast hypothetically.
My wife.
Someone i was to care for.
Someone who was my responsibility.
Someone i had to ...love....?
For me love was make belief, always .
something which only suited in movies and novels and felt good in poetry.
Something which only existed in imagination.
Would I ever give
her even the half of the protection, honour, trust , care that she absolutely deserves...?
Idea of marriage was itself able to make me gag, almost a felony.
But now that I had married her.
Out off ease.
Responsibility.
Optionless.
Clueless
Could i ...?
She was my wife now.........
Aarohi Advik Oberoi .
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